I love Arbonne. Like, LOOOOOVVVEEE Arbonne. Everything about it. Products, people, company – all.the.things. But when it came time for me to step up and do what I needed to in order to reach that sweet National Vice President level… well, I wasn’t in love with doing the work. So *my business ended up on the back burner.
March 2015: everything was awesome (everything is cool when you’re part of a team – oh sorry! Squirrel!) and I was all set to head to GTC (Global Training Conference) in April with my awesome team and my awesome upline in awesome Las Vegas, Nevada.
Then something super exciting happened: I qualified (completed the first step) for Area Manager on March 31st for the first time since I had started my business in July 2012. I.was.pumped. Who wouldn’t be?!
Check out this video that my dear and loving friend, Maritza, recorded from GTC 2015. It’s full of faith and Holy Spirit was totally using me to speak to those loved ones I call team members. When I watch this I don’t see me. I see Holy Spirit.
But then something unexpected happened. A weird sense of failure swept over me. Actually, it hit me like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden, after I shared with EVERYONE and their 5th cousin that I was IN THIS and I had accomplished a major goal, I felt that I needed to stop. I felt like I wasn’t ready, wasn’t worthy, wasn’t willing.
I flew to Las Vegas with two suitcases full of overwhelm. I didn’t have fun. I didn’t pay attention to the speakers. I didn’t seek out NVP’s to talk to like I did the 2 years prior because all of a sudden I didn’t care.
Let’s throw a whole truck-load of guilt in there. How could I be feeling this way? I LOVE Arbonne! I love my business! And I knew there was nothing else that was going to get me to where I wanted to go in my life the way Arbonne would. I believed that feeling this way automatically meant I’m letting my team down: my downline and my upline. Everyone will be so disappointed in me if I quit – oh crap! I’ve been telling everyone I’ll NEVER quit this! I can’t quit! I just can’t! Fight it, Heather! Fight it!
W. T. F. dude. **loud exaggerated sigh**
The following months were hard. From April through October 2015 I tried to want to do income producing activities. I tried to want to go to meetings. I tried to want to give out samples and talk to everyone about Arbonne and how amazeballs it is. I tried to want to keep pushing for Area Manager.
Then, in December I was invited to a fellow Arbonneite’s house for a training with her NVP (who is not mine, but that’s how we roll in Arbonne – we do stuff together, even if we’re on different teams) and that awesome NVP said something I will never ever ever ever forget: Stand in your truth.
** Face Palm **
What she was referring to was standing up and saying “yeah, I’m an Arbonne Independent Consultant! What of it?!” Basically, be proud that you do what you do. The people that have a problem with you doing Arbonne, ya know, one of THOSE things, is their issue. Not yours. Stand in your truth!
I let that sink in for all of December and most of January before I realized that even though Arbonne was an answered prayer from God, it was no longer where He needed me.
He needs me to be a mom and wife first. He needs me to focus on my family. I wasn’t doing that because I was choosing to put Arbonne first – above ALL else, including Him.
Not cool, man.
He needed me to take a step back, so that I could look at my life from a different point of view. He needed me to press pause.
With all of my being I believe that I’m not done with Arbonne. Hense “backburner”. I still believe that I’ll be an NVP one day. One day, God will say to me “Okay, it’s time.” He needs me to work on me now, and he’s giving me all the tools I need now so that one day I’ll use Arbonne to complete His work.
Knowing this allowed me to stop feeling guilty for not doing the work: the parties, the follow-ups, the asking, the hearing no’s, the constantly thinking about filling my calendar. It allowed me to enough peace to move forward with the rest of my life – to be a mom, a wife, a Daughter to Him, for Him and in Him.
And I’m looking forward to the day that He lovingly whispers to me that “it’s time.”