I posted on Facebook recently about feeling lonely. Here’s the post:
“As faithful as I am and knowing how much God loves and accepts me, the human me desires friendships with people who are excited to celebrate my birthday and who WANT to spend time with me. Friends who pop by for coffee and genuinely ask what’s up/what’s wrong/what’s awesome and care enough to really listen. With no alternative motive.
Truthfully I don’t invest in friendships which is why I’m not being invested in. I created this. Maybe because I know HOW to be alone and because I have a hard time trusting (been burned more times than I can even count when I trusted too easily- even family) but that doesn’t even matter because I’m really tired of it – I’m over it. I don’t wanna feel lonely anymore.
I want friends who love me for ME. A Christian mom and Gemini wife with 2 businesses planning a third who’s honest and might tell ya stuff you don’t wanna hear but it’s only because I love you. Who’s obsessed with pink things, babies, nutrition, Batman, coffee and wine – sometimes at the same time.”
Honestly, I did feel guilty that I was feeling lonely. I have some really amazing women around me daily that love me, encourage me, make me laugh, they cry with me, they hug me, and they help build my discipleship in Jesus. So, why in the world do I feel lonely?! Oh, yeah, and then I have Jesus!! HELLO?! I should never feel lonely – it says so right in the Bible!
After talking to God about it, He let me know that I don’t need to feel guilty and my desire for stronger bonds and deeper friendships comes from His love. He wants me to have those types of relationships with other women. He NEEDS me to have them.
So, I think the post was my way of reaching out – touching a larger audience (even just one other lonely mommy) – I posted it at 2:30 am (because I couldn’t sleep, so, why not jump on Facebook?!) so I really didn’t think many people would even see it. I figured it would get overlooked like most of my posts. But this one didn’t.
Several of my girlfriends from moms groups, church, or from ‘work’ commented and I even received a few private messages from friends saying that they feel the exact same way. They were grateful for this off the cuff post where I was simply putting my heart out there. Some of them didn’t realize that that was what they were missing in their life but my little post helped them realize that’s just what they needed: close friendships with other women.
Sharing your heart is the right thing. Stand in your truth. Put yourself out there and you’ll get back other peoples truths, advice, trust and even some new friends!
What came out of that post is several coffee dates and TONS of hugs, more play dates, and discussion of a small group forming. We’re talking about how we can DO LIFE together, how we can help and encourage each other in different areas of life.
I had a lengthy discussion today at church with a girlfriend, who I do several small ministries with, about this topic. She’s older and has grown children. Her advice was to focus on God and my family. My husband, my kids, my home, my work. She let me know that I’ll have lots of time to make a whole bunch of close good friends later on in life, but right now I need to focus on my sweet family, and I agree!
Check out this blog post I found from Grace For Moms about Finding God’s Boundaries for Friendships. It really helped me get past that guilt I was feeling about not being a good friend to my friends, because I’m not perfect in any area of life – including friendships.
A MAJOR point here is that we don’t need to spend every waking second together. We don’t need to be together all the time to do LIFE with each other. We can just be, and knowing that we have a solid group of awesome women who love, cherish and respect each other out there makes life a lot sweeter. It’s okay to have just one or two really close girlfriends that you connect with on many levels.
It also got me thinking about a recent situation where I was that friend who disappears when things get rough. Ouch. That realization was truth, but a hard one. I wrote about it here.
If you’re feeling lonely, sweetie, just reach out! Dive in and put you’re whole self out there! There’ll be people who are excited that you reached out and there’ll be people who are offended. There’ll be people who will feel the same way as you – they’re the ones to spend your precious time with. <3
And in the meantime, soak in your kiddos, soak in the Holy Spirit, focus on your work – a sort of ministry – and keep sharing the word of God with people who don’t know Christ yet!